Internal Clock.

I've always liked to sleep. 

The problem is, whether I've slept 6 hours or 16, I never feel quite refreshed. I always have to drag myself out of bed. 

I love the feeling, at the end of the day, when you turn out your lights and lay in silence between the cool sheets.  There is no place like your bed.

So I wrestle myself out of bed each morning by 7:30 (usually I've already been awake for a while, either due to nursing or waking up when Ryan leaves at 6:30. Those are bad mornings, when I fall asleep again riiiight about 7:25).  I wake Maddie, who wakes up similar to me, like a hibernating bear.  Ben pops up like a spring, ready for the day. Funny. Ryan sleeps like a dead person, but wakes easily, and I sleep so lightly that ANYTHING wakes me, but wake (for good) hard. Our kids are mixed. Maddie has it the worst, sleeping like Ryan, waking like me. Bennett is lucky, sleeping lightly but waking easily. 

As soon as Morning Routine is done, I want to take a nap. At 8:45.

I never can get going. All morning I laze around, trying to get some energy or motivation to do ANYTHING. 

Around 1 pm I start getting in my groove. I am the only person I know who works out and showers at night.  If I manage to get them done in the morning, it's all I manage to do all day! 

I feel like my internal clock is set wrong, Don't get me wrong, it's a good clock. It wakes me up at exactly the time I want to wake up, but it only awakens my mind, not my body. 

I wish I could be a morning person, but I just can't fight it.  And the world revolves around the "bright and early".  I've thought about getting a job at a coffee place, but I think I might just die if I had to be at work by 5 a.m.  Caffeine has little to no effect on me.  I just have to accept the fact that I am a slow starter, that I will never look around at 10:30 and sigh with happiness at my accomplishments. 

Right, like my house is ever clean. 

Blessings

Hm. I'm full of beautiful phrases and eloquence in the space between consciousness and sleep.  I wake up and it's gone.  Yeah, I could keep a journal by my bed...but turning on the light is ill advised, especially when it takes so long for me to fall asleep in the first place. Plus I'm lazy. 
I feel like I'm getting to a good place. I feel like having Owen (and all that lead up to him) have helped me be satisfied. Nothing is perfect, everything is hard, but my life is inherently blessed. Each one of our friends who is in the same "stage" of life has their own problems. We all struggle with discipline, money, time, none of us seems to have enough of any of those. And yet, we all have love. 
A few weeks ago, one family's father lost his job. While at first, it seemed like a crushing blow to the family, the couple, his ego, they have realized that it was probably the best thing that could have happened. The job's hours were dragging them down, putting unneeded stress on the family. Since then, both parents have been happier, kids are more secure, less problems all around. They decided to look at it as a blessing.  I'm trying to see the events in my life as blessings as well, regardless of how challenging.