A New Era

I sent her off today. Her life has been primed for this moment since her birth; the day she'll leave my influence and become her own person.

Who am I kidding. She has NEVER been "mine" the way other daughters are with their mothers. She's not "mine" the way even Bennett is.

She has always been her own person. When the time rolled around for babies to get strange, for them to shy away from new things and people, she never once looked back for me. Even when I was pregnant with her, I had this feeling like she thought she could do it better without my help.

But this morning was the one she has been looking forward to since the last day of preschool. She awoke with wonder in her greenish brown eyes, rubbed the sleep from them and sat up abruptly. She wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered "greatest mom ever". This surprised me for a few reasons. #1, Maddie is not an easy waker, like her mother. We have been working on getting up at 7:30 for the past few weeks, instead of her normal 9 with mixed results. #2, Maddie does not generally give me such open displays of affection. Her daddy, yes, but me not so much. Without her knowing, I crave those unasked for kisses and hugs, the "i love you's" that come from her heart, not just a response. They are my crack. This morning alone got me through an hour of time where I was certain tears were going to flow.

She cannot wait for tomorrow when she gets to go on the bus with her friend next door, Leah.

I won't be there to ease her confusion. To direct her where to go. Will she be lost in the sea of kids figuring it all out themselves? I will have to trust my training in her to do the right thing, ask for help, guide others.

I'm also going to miss my helper at home! She loves to be helpful with Eli and Ben, my second pair of eyes when I can't watch every moment.

I miss her already!

My unusual children.

At the playground

Time: 1:30am. Place : My Bed. Scene: BEN wakes up because he went to bed at 7pm, and asks if he can climb in with us. He lays down and snuggles in. Soon, there is a disturbance in the Force.

BEN: Mommy? Can you close the door so the monsters don't get in?

MOMMY: Ben, there aren't any monsters! There only kinds of monsters there are are Elmo and Telley Monster and they are nice good monsters. There are no bad monster in our house, I promise. OK?

BEN: Ok, Mommy can you close the door so the monsters don't get in?

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Time : The afternoon. Place: Rite Aid. Scene: Mommy needs some medicine for her sore throat. She is having trouble getting Ben to hold her hand due to the odd way he is walking.

MOMMY: Ben. BEN Hold my hand.

BEN: No, mommy, I can't.

Mommy: Why not? (still observing the strange way he's walking) What are you doing?

BEN: (Facing sideways, Arms out, legs apart, doing little jumps to go forward) I'm web surfing. Sort of like this, but sideways. Here he was a bird

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At the Playground

Time: Afternoon. Place: The Park. Scene: shortly after we arrive to the deserted park, another family arrives with girls around Maddie's age. Maddie immediately runs up to them.

MADDIE: Look! We have almost the same SHOES! I'm 5 and there are my Easter shoes, but I can wear them to play now.

GIRL: yours have a bow, so they're not the same.

Other GIRL: I'm 5!

MADDIE: Wellll, there the same shape and yours just doesn't have a bow so there's really close! Wanna go play princesses?

GIRL and OTHER GIRL: ok.

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The last one is is different format, because it's not quite the same.

Maddie's Violin teacher is Mr. Jorgji, and older (I'm assuming) Russian man. I've only taken Maddie to lessons a few times, because Ryan likes to do it. But yesterday, I took her. Maddie has started to read the notes without any help from the book, e.i. it used to say what the note was on top of the note, now that has gone away, so she's actually reading the music. Yes, she makes some mistakes, but he says I don't have any other students like her at this age. She remembers everything, she wants to do it and she good at it! He seems slightly amazed at her. He had always told us that since she is so young, the process is a little different. Her muscles don't recall the same way ours do. But he seems thrilled with her progress. I'm not saying she a genius! But she's doing a great job for such a small girl!