Bad day

Had a bad one with the kids... woke up at 5:30, never went back to sleep and fought all day with kids who got up at 6:45 instead of the usual 8 and 9. Mommy was cranky because she doesn't do well without sleep either, but the kids...I think I was speaking Chinese all day because they acted like they did not hear one word I said. I got tired of yelling and went to spanking. Do Not Pass GO, Do Not Collect $200. Do Not Call CPS Because You Said You Would Bash Your Daughters Face In. Right, I know. I didn't mean it and I was so mad I didn't know what I was saying. I couldn't reach her anyway. It just came out of my mouth. I'm not proud of my actions. I am proud of myself that when we got home, I laid down the law, doled out punishments just like I said I would (sometimes I threaten, but don't follow through), and then talked rationally, but firmly. After spanks aways come hugs. but not until they've had a few minutes to sink in :)
I still feel like crap. I feel ignored. I feel useless. I feel ineffective as a parent. I'm worn down, tired and tomorrow is going to start very soon and I'm not ready for it yet.

Ryan and I continued to paint this evening and as we were painting, Maddie and Ben were watching the BZZZ movie. That's Ben talk for The Bee movie. at the end, they sing "Here Comes The Sun. Maddie dances and sings, and felt a little better. This has been a long cold lonely winter. It does seem like years since it's been here, but it's coming and we'll all feel better with some sun shining on our faces.

I'm hoping tomorrow is a productive day. We want to move in next weekend, so we want to get as much done as possible. The hardwood floor guy is coming on Monday. I ripped up the carpet in the smallest bedroom and it already looks so good! I can't wait to be moved in. Ben can't either, apparently. Every time we leave in the evening, he complains about wanting to stay at the "Blue House". Our house is not blue. The paint was blue in the front room, but it's brown now. I think he misheard us say new house, but he's called it that since we went their the first time. I don't mind. I just am so happy that he is excited!

Today was a mess.

It bears repeating, it was that bad. Today was a mess. ~sigh~ JUST when I think I've got it down, just when I think, hey, I'm ok, I can do this, I have a day like today that makes me want to crawl back in bed and not come out. Ever.

I still am in some pretty intense pain, at times. It's not constant, so I hesitate to take my drugs. The last thing I need is an addiction :) But, they dull the pain. The pain makes me tired, sluggish. The meds make me have more energy. Back and forth back and forth. Today was SO bad that I wanted to take the whole bottle (all 10 pills. Remind me to get a refill). Ben screamed at me about every.litle.thing. Strangely, not what I thought he was going to blow a gasket over, his Mario Party jammie shirt. THAT he took off no problem. It was the BATMAN jammie shorts that were the issue. Sorry, kid, not when it's 25 degrees out! Then, once I distracted him from that, it was socks, then his Rock and Roll shoes, NOT his Diego shoes. NOT THE COAT NO COAT NO COAT! BLUE CAR SEAT NONONONO I DON'T WANT TO GET OUT OF THE CAR I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK IN THE CAR NO NAP NO NAP SISTER'S BED SISTER'S BED.

Then, in 2.5 hours, we repete. We have to pick sister up from school.

Then she started. While I was getting Eli out of the car, Maddie and Ben went into the house, at my request. 30 seconds later, at the door, it's locked. She locked me out. Granted, I have the keys. Not the point.

Every EVERYthing was a screaming, drag out fight this afternoon. I am SO out of energy.

Anybody want a two-year-old?

I thought he was almost out of this phase. But with no naps, and mom being physically unable to hold him in here, we're at a stalemate. And the Miss has gotten herself an additude that nmakes me want to smack her face. "FINE" she has taken to saying, just like a flippin' TEENAGER! AHHHHH!!

Tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow will be a better day. It HAS to be.

Update: As soon as I finished writing this post, I went upstairs to find my son, sound asleep on the floor in front of his toys. Does my child need a nap or what?