Does every mother feel this way? Do we all feel like we are giving 7,000% percent yet nothing is accomplished? Do we all get walked all over, hearts stomped on daily, yet expected to give some more after all is said and done?
How can it be that I feel emotionally drained after staying at home all day, yet the house is a disaster, the kids are bad and I'm a wreck? What have I accomplished? I haven't taken a shower in three days because someone always needs one more than I do, or the laundry needs to be done (when doesn't it?) or the dishwasher need to be run. Which are all thing I need to do anyway, so when do I have the time and when I do where does the energy come from?
A friend recently put as her Facebook status that she just wants to be appreciated. Ha. Between a messy house, wild children and looking like a homeless person, who can appreciate that? Yet all our time and evergy goes out each day, pushing us backward with each forward step. If we do manage to get ONE thing done, a miracle, it is now expected to be the norm.
We spend 24 hours on call with no break, no stopping the constant worrying, no minute to think what might be best for us. We take care of every minute detail. Is it any wonder that when something is not done right, or completely, or at all, this is upsetting to us? Who is looking out for us? Who wipes our tears?
We get to live with the pain of everyday life, the ups and the mostly downs. The guilt of feeling inadequate, of failing your children. We are forced to do things we don't like, say things we don't want to, and then hate ourselves.
When our lives are spent putting others first, why is it surprising that it hurts when we aren't put first with others. I want to scream,"What more do you want, my blood?!"
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
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Yes, every mother feels this way sometimes. Putting your kids first all the time, every time, is hard work. And sometimes, you do have to reclaim a little time for you. Not that I'm saying I've figured out how to do that...even if I am in the shower, you can't turn off your mommy brain that's wondering just what's going on outside the bathroom door. But you sound like you need to give yourself permission to put the kids to bed, IGNORE the house, and do whatever makes you happy for the evening. Bath, TV, book, chocolate...whatever. Take the time for you. You'll feel a tiny bit saner. And the saner you are, the better a mother you are. And if the laundry doesn't get done and the dishes are not washed, SO WHAT? Confession: I've pulled clothes out of the hamper and decided, "They're not really that dirty." on days when I didn't get the laundry done. You can do it too, I promise :)
ReplyDeleteI actually did pull my only pair of black pants that fit me out of the dirty laundry, brushed off the dirt from carrying Hendrik with shoes on, and wore them out last weekend. I was torn between feeling great for getting out of the house, and crappy for wearing dirty clothes.
ReplyDeleteGotta go, baby's crying... and I was just about to hop in the shower. But hey, the gig's tomorrow. Maybe Friday will be different. Uh huh.
Hmm... sounds eerily like my house.... Glad to see you're still around.
ReplyDeleteMarie - when my own (your cousins) were little, I used to trade babysitting with my neighbor each week. We watched each other's kids for a 5 hours stretch. We found that 1 or 2 hours didn't do it - it took that long just to start to unwind. So we did 5 hours. I would go the library (almost invariably) and read Architectural Digest, and check out biographies to read at home. I'd just sit there and read for a long while. Sometimes I'd do an exercise class too. Around the 3.5 hour mark, I'd get up and head out to do some errand (SANS KIDS, so much more peaceful) and then head home. It made a world of difference in my life to have that little bit of time each week to look forward to: all to myself to spend on myself in whatever way I wanted. Maybe you and someone else could do likewise. Just a thought. One other thought - you do make it through; they grow up and leave and you miss them (hehe). Love you! Aunt Laura
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