Where do babies come from?

I started thinking about this exchange while reading another blog, where the kids were asking about reproduction. Maddie asked me after Ben was born how he got out. I don't believe in lying to children, or giving them information they don't really need, so I answered her question the best way I could. "Girls have a special place in their bodies where they can grow babies. Then they come out of their pee-pees".

This was before we made her learn the actual names for body parts. One of my favorite kid-isms is from her at this learning time. We would quiz her, "Maddie, what is your pee-pee called?" "Va-va-va vacation?" For some, my love, not not many! For the record, Ben's is a Pee-ist.

Anyway, when I was in the hospital, Maddie thought I was going to die. I don't blame her. Go to sleep with a perfectly healthy mommy and the next morning there's your Mimi, saying Mommy's in the hospital. No warning, just gone. Poor thing. After I got home, she asked me one might as I was putting her down for bed if I was going to die when I went to the hospital. Ryan had only told her that I had a big boo-boo in my tummy. That wasn't really enough info for her. So I laid it out for her. I asked her if she wanted to talk about why I was in the hospital, and what the doctor did to me. Yes, of course! So I started with basic anatomy, telling her that there is place inside girls where a baby can be made. Lots of eggs live in there too, to make some babies. When mommy and daddy want to have another baby, the egg mixes with a seed (some magical seed, not explained :) ) and goes down a tube to the special place to grow and become a baby.

Now, there were a few transactions between her and I in the middle of this. When I said "mixes" she said "Do you stir it?" Well, sorta. And I asked her if she knew what a tube was. She made a circle with her fingers and said, " Yeah, like a slide. OH! Did the egg slide down the tube?" I said yes, this is what normally happens, but the 'egg and seed' /baby mixture got stuck in the tube and the doctor had to take it out. It wasn't a baby, yet, but just tiny pieces that would grow into a baby. "Did it have a face?" "Uh, no. No real parts, like a baby, just a tiny speck." She seems to be good with that and I showed her my incision, which is not scary at all. Seriously. The stretch marks are scarier. I seemed to convince her that I was not dying, and wouldn't be dying anytime soon.

It's strange and uncomfortable to answer all the questions kids have. You don't want to overwhelm them, you don't want to leave them hanging. As I said before I won't lie to them; no stork around here. But in MY case, I apparently informed my entire kindergarten class of the birds and the bees. All wrong.

Here's my advice.

Tell them simply what you know, being careful to answer exactly what they've asked, not more. They might be asking you a simple question and then they really don't get what's going on when you launch into a tirade about things they aren't ready for.
Start young. Knowing the real names for body parts and why mommy is a girl and daddy is a boy are important, and vital to their identity. Granted, Maddie was 3ish when we told her the real names, but we let her know they had different names if you were a boy or a girl. Easier to demonstrate with the help of baby brother's diaper changes.
Don't be ashamed. They will know. They can smell fear. Our parents were taught to be ashamed of their bodies as a method of birth control. Everyone's body is beautiful, sex is natural, God-given and safe within marriage and theirs alone. Telling them "I'll tell you when you're older" will only fuel the fire! Instead, ask them if you can think about their questions for a little while and promise you'll get back to them. Fulfill that promise!

It's our job to give them the information they need to be strong, happy people. I hope my children don't make the same mistakes I did, but maybe they can learn from what I know. All we can do is love them as best we can.